I’ve never really thought about what it might be like to go to hell. After all, I’ve tried to be a good girl my whole life…. Let me rephrase this. Throughout my life I have shifted my thoughts about what it means to be a good girl: I no longer believe that drinking, smoking, and carousing will keep me from heaven. I’ve even removed reading the Bible and going to church as a prerequisite to achieving heavenly status.

I now believe that what I give to others and how I treat my fellow humans, as well as what I contribute to society to mend its fractures will get me into heaven.

HELL DESCRIPTION

According to Bible Lyfe:

Jesus Himself referred to hell on multiple occasions. In Matthew 10:28, He warned about the One who can destroy both body and soul in hell, highlighting the eternal nature of the punishment. In Mark 9:43, Jesus spoke of hell as a place “where the fire never goes out,” implying unending torment. Furthermore, in Matthew 25:41, Jesus mentioned hell as a place “prepared for the devil and his angels,” emphasizing its purpose as a place of punishment for the forces of evil. …. The Book of Revelation provides a more detailed description of the ultimate fate of the devil and his followers. Revelation 20:10 reveals that “the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur,” where he will be tormented forever. Revelation 20:14-15 further explains that death, Hades, and those whose names are not written in the Book of Life will also be cast into the lake of fire, the second death.

Ouch! Burning sulfur, lake of fire! I can feel the bottom of my feet toasting to a crisp right now.

I’m beginning to rethink what I need to do to stay out of hell because right now I’m living in hell on earth. And it ain’t purdy.

HELL ON EARTH

How hot is it at the ranch, you ask:

• It’s so hot that my mail order of CBD gel caps were melted into a pile of mush upon arrival.
• It’s so hot that I’m considering cooking meals on the stone walkway with my iron skillet to save electricity.
• It’s so hot that the birds have abandoned the feeders during the day.
• It’s so hot that I water my drought- tolerant outdoor plants (those that are still alive) daily before 8 a.m.
• It’s so hot that the package the UPS driver handed to me felt like a hand warmer.
• It’s so hot that the mice are back visiting me inside, where my husband keeps the temperature a cool 75 degrees.
• It’s so hot that the ants and scorpions are joining their mice pals.
• It’s so hot that I’m about to have a nervous breakdown.

Note: Feels like 113

OK, my tanks aren’t full of burning sulfur (yet). The poor cows stand in the water under the pier for a bit of relief. (Please God, they are dumb beasts. Don’t make them suffer a lake of fire.) And the Texas electrical grid is holding up so far, but, since we are now entering into the longest streak of 100-degree weather in central Texas history, I’m beginning to get nervous. The weather forecaster said our only hope is a hurricane or wait until a cool front shows up at the end of September. Really? You can’t be serious?

Now you understand why the thought of spending the rest of my life in the fiery pits of the abode of the damned is downright frightening.

AVOIDING HELL

I don’t carouse or smoke…I guess I could read the Bible and go to church, but I’ll be damned if I’ll give up martinis. I wonder if God is up to negotiating with me?

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